The choices we make…

A few weeks back, my housemates watched Dead Poet’s Society on my laptop and suddenly, it awakened the sleeping Shakespeare in me. Haha! So allow me to take off from Hamlet’s famed lines.

To sleep or to weep

I remembered one time, I phoned a doctor friend and asked for a sleeping pill that does not need a prescription. I wrote it down on a piece of paper after he spelled it out to me. After that, I would always remind myself, when I had trouble sleeping, to place it in my need-to-buy list. Then one night, I really couldn’t sleep. I remembered that piece of paper. I tried looking for it everywhere. I tried remembering what the pill’s name was but couldn’t. I got tired trying to. So tired I fell asleep.

The next time I saw my doctor friend, I told him the sleeping pill worked. And I narrated how the pill made me doze off. He laughed. He said I didn’t need to take one after all.

To pay or to pray

I have this habit too of putting my loose change in the side pockets of my backpack. Makes it easy for me to pay jeepney fares. One time, after boarding off the bus, I counted my coins and came back one-peso short for my jeepney ride home. I fished for my wallet only to find out it’s gone.

With my eyes on the road, I walked to the jeepney terminal praying that I get to pick at least a peso. I picked a 25-centavo coin instead. I whispered, “Lord, thanks! Now I need just 75 centavos.” Then I was on the jeep, 75-centavo short. I was thinking, I’ll just go where my money can go and text someone to come get me when I heard my name. It was a friendly neighbor and she paid for my fare.

I didn’t need that peso after all!

To pain or to gain

For quite a time while working as a call girl (call center girl, c’mon!), I bore pains like routine. It came to a point that I was impervious to it. Callers swearing. Hyperacidity. Irregular sleep or none at all. Working on holidays. Talking without communicating. Hearing without listening.

Those times, I felt like an automated ghost on the other line. But there were two things I always looked forward to: end of shift and payday. These were the times I felt human. So I have to make a choice. Between the two, what occurs most often?

So I ended my shift. Total shift. I can choose my pains. As much as I can choose my gains.

To speak or to “geek”

The past few weeks have come and gone in a flurry. There were things that I weren’t able to do because there were things that I need to do first, and second and third. And then there were legal-action-drama-thriller scenarios that I actually felt like my chakra had gone awry. I’m not much of a talker but the incident proved me otherwise, and it exhausted me to the brink of losing my temper. No regrets though for I learned a few good things along the way. One, I had a good gauge of my own temperament. Second, I came to know people who are just too willing to give a rescue like knights in blazing shining armors. Third, “honesty is really the best policy and the best police”. Fourth, we only get what we think we deserve, just as we choose how we want to enjoy life.

Yep, the past few weeks were a whirlwind of extremes. One event almost tested my restraint and made me most exhausted. Another tested my tolerance and made me most grateful to Him more than ever. Somehow, it made me realize that time is too short not to be enjoyed to the fullest. It’s a good thing that I am surrounded by people who makes it easy for me to love than to hate. That I am in a place where work is also a place of refuge; where friends are families; and family is a treasure so priceless and invaluable that I feel like the richest person alive.

Of course, there would still be nights when I would have trouble sleeping. I would still make mistakes and pay for it. There would be moments when instead of gain, I would feel pain. But one thing is bound to be sure for the rest of what’s left of my lifetime–I would find time to do what I love doing–READ! So I have lined up some leisure readings: Eldest by Christopher Paolini (the Book Two of Inheritance, the first being Eragon), The Kitchen God’s Wife by Amy Tan and The Rainmaker by John Grisham.

And reading after a good round of badminton, just recently I realized, is a good way to rejuvenate my Jaja self.

Now, if only I could do it more often.


About walangmalay

Walang Malay is a figment of sentiments, of wonders and perplexities, of ideologies and dreams, of anything about something. Ako ito, walang malay... o nawalan ng kamalayan...

Posted on March 5, 2008, in Blogroll, Introspections. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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