For two weeks, I’d wake up and grumble because my head would be aching with the sound of puppy dog in my head. I couldn’t sleep as soundly as I used to.

I can sleep better now though. The melatonin helped, too. Puppy dog wails still, everyday. But I feel sad now for puppy dog because its owners seemed oblivious to its everyday whining. Obviously, puppy dog is having issues! C’mon, crying everyday?! Maybe it’s not getting the ration of food on time? Maybe it doesn’t want to be chained (well, animal rights activists would say an emphatic “NO TO CHAINS!” definitely)? Maybe it needs a longer leash? Maybe it’s not comfortable to where its at? Or, maybe it misses its dog mom (and if it misses its dog mom, I’m sure it’s not a bitch!)?

Those two weeks, with puppy dog’s cries digging into my consciousness, I felt maddening frustration and silly anger because it’s happening when I’m about to get a shuteye. I was frustrated and angry with puppy dog that time.

A friend visited once and she told me that puppy dog will get used to its new environment. I told her, I believe puppy dog already had enough one week to get used to whatever its supposed to get used to. The question is, would I get used to it not being able to get used to things its supposed to get used to?

But now, after almost a month, I say, poor puppy dog. What makes you cry all this time? Haven’t you gotten used to your circumstance? Why do you cry, whine and wail everyday?

Normally, bitches (pun intended) make us cry. But what makes a bitch (no pun intended) cry? What makes ME cry? I guess, bitch or no bitch (with or without pun), it has something to do with how one feels. When one is treated lowly, is hurt, or in pain (i.e. a hungry dog on a short leash) E.V.E.R.Y.D.A.Y,  there is one thing to do that will give at least an instance of release – CRY.

But I don’t know how long puppy dog’s suffering would go. Would it just bite one day? Or would it remain cowering in a corner? Would it go mad maybe? Or just cry endless rivers?

Dog whisperer, anyone?

Kung ang isang bagay ay madaling gamitin ng kahit pangkaraniwang tao upang mapadali ang kanilang buhay, masasabing ito ay “user-friendly”.

Friendly user.

Kung ang isang tao ay madaling gumamit ng ibang tao upang mapadali ang kanilang sariling buhay, masasabing siya ay “friendly user”.

Daddy Elms once joked, “What will you do if you see an airplane about to come crashing through the window?”

I told him, “Paparahin ko, Daddy.” Others interjected with different answers but none came close to his supposedly correct one. We should “Turn off the remote!”, he said.

It seems that I keep moving to places, too — locational changes. Two months back, we have to move out of  5437 (or was it 5947?) to be closer to work. Then, a month after, work called for transfer from M2 to DS. Ahhhh! What timing!

And as October goes, November comes. The late rainy season has coincided with the incoming December breeze. So hard to wake up with the cool wind tightly hugging every pore in my body. I always wish I could sleep longer… Just like last Sunday when everyone’s spending the holiday in the “hacienda”.

I was still recharging from my night shift from work and was on the bed when the Buen Family arrived. In short, I was dead to the world then. I just realized that they’d finally come because my nephews, Yno (aged 7) and Deen (aged 5), came into my room and told me that they brought pizza. Yno even placed a plate of pizza on my hand (which I told Yno to place it back on the box and save me another slice too… which, well, unfortunately gone “missing” when I woke up). I lazily sat up from bed and hugged them both, as customary whenever I meet them.

I told the boys that I just got home from work and would need to sleep. And they said, “Ok, Tita Jaja!”

By dinnertime, Yno was waking me up again. He said, I should get up or else everyone would be finished with their meals. I told Yno, my head hurts and that I need 30-minute more of sleep. He then placed his hand on top of my unruly bun of hair while insisting that I really should get up and join the rest for dinner. He was so makulit! He kept telling me, it’s lonely taking meals alone, that I won’t be able to join EVERYBODY if I don’t wake up ASAP, that I really need to EAT! I didn’t know how long Yno was trying to wake me up, until finally, he said, “Tita Jaja, I know! You can wake up now and then after eating, you can go back to sleep!”. That revved me up, and so I woke up.

The thing was, everyone’s done with their dinner.

And no, I didn’t get back to bed after eating. It was movietime, and it was Ditseng Ellen’s birthday salubong, too! But I really couldn’t keep my eyes open. They were begging me to go back to sleep! So I went to bed ahead of everyone else, again, which made me missed the lambanog shots. Nonetheless,  I’s too “drunk” from lack of sleep. One shot would instantly punch me out anyway.

What made me frustrated was that, I can’t find The Mentalist among my stash of discs. I remember clearly that it was what I was watching when my player froze. I was still at my old lair then. Again, I had to go through Kubler-Ross’ stages of grief and finally come to terms that The Mentalist has left me for good. Hello, Acceptance. And so I turn to House MD.

However, watching House MD‘s Season 1 “infected” me. I got colds, chronic abdominal pains and fever. My three-day rest day from work became a three-day “wretched-day”. Ugh! But I have recovered. I guess the gastronomic delight that Berto experimented helped a lot: sauteed tofu and (left-over) chicken meat with green leafy veggies (aka: ginisang pechay na may tokwa at tirang manok) and crispy Tilapia!

And now, I am thinking of doing another movie marathon since  I’ll be  home-alone again for the weekend and  I really haven’t gotten my strength back to play badminton.

So, as my system begins to hibernate, I trust that old movies shall act like hypnic jerks on my powerless body and send signal to my brain that I’ll be up and active by next week. It’s a must too! Weekends are booked again. Oooh, I need a clone!

but oooh, how i itch to put an ending to David and Sarah’s love(ful/less) story! i can see all the clouds clearing now. in fact, i am just torn between heavenly destiny or hellish fate. hmm, maybe, i’ll just make two endings. it’s up to the readers which link to choose — hellish fate or heavenly destiny. it makes me recall those “Choose Your Own Adventure” pocketbooks which i got addicted to when i was in secondary school. hahaha!

and june is here! soon, rain would be in season again. the precarious heat is getting into my nerves. i’m getting the tan that i don’t need. my fault. i always remind myself to buy a replacement for my defective umbrella but always am putting it aside (soft word for “forgetting”).

and yes, i did say june is coming! the month of may was a blast with my big serious face pasted on the wall after just two months in prod (april top agent, unbelievable! hihihi!). suddenly, all the agents and TCs know me by name (why would Liz have to choose that shot of me all serious during a call, eyes bulging, for everyone to see?) chanting “burger! burger!”, “kahit cereal lang”, or the most uttered, “painom ka naman!” when they chanced upon me. but name or no name, i do take my calls very very seriously. especially when i have none, and have time to blog!

i’m also getting workouts during weekdays. vball practice (just not to coincide with movie time, my smallest plea, which is almost always granted. hehehe). weekends are for the actual games. well, we’re onto 0-2. haha! no win yet. but at least we’re giving them a not-so-easy wins with both games having decision sets. all the same, we lost. coach said if we could win our last three games, we could still make it to the semis. time for me to cross both my fingers and toes on that. hehehehe.

anyway, i can smell the rain! that’s one thing i’m looking forward to. nothing has changed. i still love it when it rains.

I see myself snoring through the whole 24 hours of what’s left of my weekend… that is after our first “big” game today. Volleyball time!

I can’t remember when I last tossed, set or even held a volleyball. It would have been four or five years back. And this afternoon, without a single stretch of practice, we’d already be on court, at play. Should be fun… if I can get at least a three-hour nap.

Nonetheless, my body is looking forward to the physical exhilaration. I missed too many badminton games since I worked vampire shifts. And so, the department-wide sports event is a welcome break on my “windang” system.

Oops, time to go! Game on!

hindi rin bawal ngumiti o tumawa mag-isa (basta yung walang gaanong nakakakita. pwede ka namang mag-pa-effect na may kausap sa cellphone kung hindi mo talaga mapigilang ngumiti).

anyway, masaya ako. bakit? hindi ko rin alam. basta nag-umpisa at nagtapos lang ang aking araw (vampire shift ako, kaya papatapos na ang aking “araw”) ng nakangiti. ewan ko ba. parang may magandang mangyayari. parang mananalo ako ng jackpot sa lotto (oops, makataya nga!).

no, hindi dahil “panalo” si Noynoy at siya na diumano ang bago nating presidente. hindi naman ako dapat magsaya kasi, sige na nga, hindi siya ang ibinoto ko. at kung sakaling makahabol si Erap (hindi pa naman tapos ang bilangan… baka humabol pa siya…  naku, baka manalo pa si Erap!), teka, hindi din naman ang bilog na hugis itlog sa tapat ng pangalan ni Erap ang initiman ko, kaya hindi si Noynoy o si Erap ang dahilan ng aking pagiging masaya.

ewan ko sa iba, pero kanina pa kasi ako nagpapabalik-balik sa site na ito: http://electionresults.ibanangayon.ph (na katulad din ng http://electionresults.comelec.gov.ph) pero hindi ko pa rin mawari kung bakit walang official tally, tipong running score, para naman masaya. at sana din, meron silang ibinibigay man lang na ideya kung ilang balota pa ang babasahin, ilang balota ang nawawala o hindi nagamit, nakaboto ba ang mga dapat bumoto o kung pwede pa bang bumoto yung mga hindi nakaboto dahil nawalan ng gana sa mga sirang pcos. wala lang. para naman… para naman masaya! kaso, wala e. kaya nakakadismaya.

pero hindi ako papaapekto (muna…) sa aking panibugho sa AES.

basta, masarap maging masaya. may kababawan man ang dahilan. nagsimula man sa ngiti at sa kakaunting salitang hindi ko inaasahan, mababaw lang naman talaga ako.

mababaw, at masaya.

I’ve been asking around if they would have heard or read about moving May 1 – Labor Day – Saturday to a Friday or a Monday… nada.

Because I was planning for a holiday mode. Selfish, I know.

But then, the announcement came a little too late for me to make arrangements anymore. And poof was the trek to Mt. Calavite. Sigh!

The good thing was, my outing-hungry clique back home encircled May 2 as the official get-together come-as-you-are-with-every-family-member-you-can-grab-and-bring-along event. So off we planned private-pool hunting last Sunday after a very filling lunch over at the Vargas’.

Hands down I said. A cousin runs a private pool right at their backyard in our our almost-never-heard municipality of Pandi. And with the sun mighty up and shining, scorching our noses and skins, we (JR, Macoy+Luvim+MJ, Roz and Mwahself) went motor biking to check out the place. It may be the heat, the exhaustion, or just the urge to set an ACTUAL date, we booked the place (and the overnight A/C room and videoke) for 1 day and 1 night, on May 2, Sunday.

And May 3 hasn’t been declared as the official Labor Day that time. If GMA has declared April 30 as the holiday, we would all be tired and spent out going to work on a Monday.

I mean, my friends on official work mode (although, most of them are teachers or school employees on “vacation”, really) would be. Just got my new sched you see. Sunday and Monday are day-offs ni Inday.

Ahh, no double pay for LHWD for me. How can I recover the cost of the sunblock’s steep price? Buhuhu!

I don’t find him writing on his daily journal when I arrive home. But then, still, when he has the energy to cook after a tiring work shift, I would find a ready meal on our little dining table, then I would eat as silently as I could, not wanting him to be disturbed as he sleeps through the “night”.

Then it’s my turn to prepare the meal, when I have some energy left to cook, too (and when we have stocks in the fridge),  so that when he wakes up, he can be at least half-full. Most often, which is always, B cooks most of our meals. He has a better hand and taste buds, you see.

Sometimes, I would still be awake (at least, half of my consciousness is) when he wakes up. Or I would find him half-awake when I arrive.

Funny.

We live in the same house. But we don’t see each other as often as before. Yet, this is not unusual. Just a typical schedule for typical vampire workers.

It’s high noon. I’m dead tired already. Tech support calls were not as many as the past few days but since it’s my end-of-week shift, I am almost spent. And B? He probably have gone to the province for the weekend. But I still have an overtime shift tonight. So I guess I won’t be seeing a dead-to-the-world B when I come home, and there won’t be a ready meal on the table.

Time to go to the market and buy some stocks again. B promised he’ll cook tinola. I have to buy the ingredients so he’ll be forced to make good with his promise. Haha!

Maybe, in their eyes, it’s either I look like a clown or a doll (no, never a doll!). Maybe more of a clown. Or a funny fish with bulging pair of eyes and twistedly concave mouth. Or a ready-to-amuse hairy monkey.

Just this evening, as I boarded a jeepney on my way to a friend’s house, there was a boy, about two, who was having a tantrum that his dad (I assume) turned him over to sit on his mom’s (I also assume) lap while I was slowly inching my way to the only space cleared for me as the passengers edged sideways. It was just across the family (again, assuming).

The boy was still twitching up and down churning muffled cries as I sat down, clutching my travelling bag and knapsack in front of me.

My first thought was that, maybe he’s hungry, or tired and sleepy. Just like his parents when I stole a look at them.

Then the boy sat still, stared at me. I guess he took pity on me as I squeezed to my place, two bags on my lap, and trying hard not to slide from my seat. Good thing, a passenger alit and all my behind got a full cushion.

The little boy had gone quiet, and yes, he continued to look at me. No, he’s not frightened. He was also not ecstatic, not even smiling. Just a curious gaze, I think. Once in a while, he would look at my seatmate but his eyes would return to my face, or was he looking at my nose? My forehead? My eyebrows?

I can sense this from my sight’s periphery, and I would occasionally stare back at the boy, with a half smile. I didn’t know for how long our mutually curious stance went until the boy fluttered his eyes and began to sleep!

And I remembered another little boy too during the Simbang Gabi just a few hours ago that day. He was hyperactively walking back and forth on the pew and on our seat during the Gospel reading. His mom (a former neighbor coz we moved) somehow surrendered to his boy’s activity. During the homily though, the boy sat between me and his mom. And before the sermon was over, the boy was leaning on me, and was already asleep!

Is my presence a sleep inducer? I can assure you, NO. My aura’s a bit frayed this evening.

There was another instance at a wake’s mass a few weeks back, I was sitting and leaning on the stairs when someone tapped my leg. And you might have guessed it. Another young boy, all vibrance amidst the weeping family members. I could only smile at him and gave him a hush-hush look. But the tirade went over and over with him giving me a tap and would seemingly hide himself from me only to scuttle to my place and tap me time and again!

Do I look like someone who’s all to willing for peek-a-boo? Again, NO. Not on that particular time.

One early morning, just almost a month ago (this I am sure since I was waiting for my pending Big Breakfast meal and focused on reading the headlines on the Ampatuans), there was yet another another boy (oh, boy!). He was with his family sitting three tables away from mine. Transfixed as I was scanning the newspaper, I could still here his giggles. As I looked up, I was happily surprised to find that he was giggling while looking at me! Well, his chin was on his mom’s shoulders (I am assuming again that she is his mom). His dancing eyes were on me! The two tables were empty so I know that he was not making fun of anybody but me. The mom got curious at his son’s giggles and even looked from behind her and saw me as the only person there. She smiled at me too. Even as they stood up to leave, the boy was still giving me nice smiles and giggles. That made the mom smiled and even gave me a nice goodbye wave.

Was I in a playful mood that time? Goodness, NO. That morning was a pure letdown.

I had never laid eyes on these tots. I was simply and justifiably someone unfamiliar in their eyes. And yet, they were willing to share with me their untainted sense of contentment and happiness.

However I felt as nothing, empty and non-important, my varied experiences during these instances, as I look back on them, gives me an undeniable sense of joyous wonder and unadulterated pride. Because in those wee moments, with these little guileless souls, I knew that the youngsters were not really seeing nor feeling me.

Those tots, bewildered maybe or simply just “believing” were actually being comforted and playing with my “companions” who, during that time, were just as busy with them as on me. Because as I look back, those were the times when I was at my lowest. Only now do I fully accept and understand that in times when my spirit flashes an SOS to HIM, HE sends extra guides to soothe me. And those tots whom I encountered, seemingly comforted by my presence were actually living proofs that I were in the company of angels, giving my guardian angel the ayuda he needs!

Those tots have to make me realize it — because I was so blinded by my hurts to believe that they really do exist.